First off, I would like to thank all that have taken time out of their busy schedules to read my pieces. They are purely for entertainment and I am not a licensed anything. Just a forewarning. Any pseudo-advice I give is purely my opinion. Do I even need a disclaimer if I only have 2 people that read this? Anyway, I digress. I got away from writing because I have a “real” job but now I am back and ready to fill all of your little heads with my opinions and ridiculous life experiences. Now on to the topic at hand.
If you know me well enough you are fully aware of my obsession with crime shows. Law and Order, Criminal Minds, the entire ID network; you name it I watch it. Besides NCIS, Mark Harmon is way too creepy in that show. This obsession can be interpreted one of two ways 1) I should have been a criminal justice major or 2) and the most logical, I was an FBI agent in another life. As I was watching one of my faves “Disappeared” a few days ago on ID; I began to turn another light on every few minutes until every light in my house was on. At this point I knew there was a problem. Was I scared I was going to disappear from the 3rd story of my closed in AND dead bolted apartment? Nonsense, I just had one too many glasses of wine. So off to bed I went.
Lately, I have really started to realize that I walk a lot faster and I look over my shoulder a lot more than the usual 3 times while walking alone. It has been brought to my attention by co-workers and family members that I walk at a not-so normal speed and I didn’t have answer as to why. Was I in a RUSH to get the better stall in the bathroom? No. I was a schizo. Every time I walked the 3 yards from my work to my car I held my switch-key in my hand like a brass knuckle. When I got home from work I would take my heels off first so if someone popped out of my closet to try and rape me I had a weapon. This got bad enough to the point I went to see someone about my anxiety. The head doctor told me I have “thoughts of impending doom”, wrote me a prescription to Xanex and sent me on my way. Are you kidding? No shit I had thoughts of impending doom; I don’t have SSA Derek Morgan by my side to make sure nothing BAD HAPPENS TO ME!!! (Criminal Minds reference, ladies if you don’t know who this is Google him…yum).
Moral of the story is there isn’t one. I still enjoy my morbid pastime and am a psycho because of it. It’s all good though because I always solve the crimes before the actual detectives do. In. your.face.Mariska Hargitay… Until next time kiddos, this time I will try to do some at least two times a week. Adieu…
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