The Hills are alive...I think?

Hola Mi Amigos! So I don’t watch many reality shows anymore. All I watch is American Idol. Well I was flipping through channels on a Tuesday night and in my wine induced sedation, I landed on The Hills. Now I haven’t watched the Hills since Lauren Conrad MOVED to The Hills. I was originally freaked out by the Freudian meaning behind the name and I refused to watch it. Anyway I digress. So I’m watching what appear to be two aliens talking about some girl named Stephanie. Later, I come to realize these two people are what they refer to as “Spidey”(clever mass media, clever).

Anyway, I realized at that moment how much distain I had for that toe-headed martian with no soul, Spencer Pratt. First of all, SPENCER, you look like an un-ripe Chia pet. You talk like you might be half-mentally retarded and you have ear wax build up because you speak at a decibel only dolphins can hear. Guess what SPENCE, saying “like” every other word is not a talent. Do you not realize you are NOTHING to anyone but one big fat flesh-colored beard joke? You are one anti-Semitic statement away from being as hated as Chris Brown, and he knocked a girl OUT. You have no talent, no morals, no dignity, no balls, and no ethics. You may very well be Hitler and Stalin’s love child. Every time you open your mouth you make me want to leap into the TV and just spray you with a hose to get you to be less douchey. Your delusional wife is the only person on this PLANET that doesn’t think you are a complete loser. I feel sorry for them both actually. I could imagine walking into their house. It probably reeks of incense and regret while “Hungry like the Wolf” blasts through the speakers. You drove your wife to look like something out of National Geographic because you are such a freak show. Where do you get off talking to her and/or her family the way you do? Are you kidding me? Try saying that about Tony Sopranos daughter, and then we will see who’s a big man.

When these people talk on this show I feel almost like I’m floating in one big California cliché. “umm sooo yeah I mean like I totally don’t know what’s going on with me and like Brody…cocaine?” Do people talk like that now? No wonder people don’t know the difference between your and you’re and they’re, there, and their. Is this what reality TV has come to? Forget reality TV, is this what the WORLD has come to? We are dumbing down our society one bottle of bleach and Grey Goose at a time. Don’t get me wrong, this train wreck of a show is mildly entertaining; however I am going to boycott this show until Spencer learns any sort of human decency, or Brody Jenner puts a shirt on. Until next time cherio’!